Where Are You Holding On & Refusing To Forgive?

“We need to choose to release the past and forgive everyone, ourselves included. We may not know how to forgive,

and we may not want to forgive, but the very fact that

we say we are willing to forgive begins the healing process.”

Louise L. Hay – You Can Heal Your Life

Hello dearies,

This week I was introduced to a Forgiveness Process by Vishen Lakhiani from MindValley that leads to clearer intuition, connection, guidance and mind/heart coherence.

  1. Identify a person or act to forgive – someone you genuinely love and care for – including your younger self.
  2. Create a safe and healing space in your imagination with that person.
  3. Communicate to them the circumstances that occurred.
  4. Allow yourself to feel the deep pain/anger/frustration fully for two minutes.
  5. Think deeply about what your have learned from this person or event.
  6. Explore how the what the other person may have experienced.
  7. See the circumstances from the other person’s view.
  8. Finally, forgive into love and imagine hugging the person.

Ho’oponopono – Hawaiian Healing Prayer

That got me thinking about one of my very favorite forgiveness practices: Ho’oponopono – “I love you, please forgive me, I’m sorry, thank you.”

There is an inspiring story told about Dr. Len, a psychologist who healed an entire hospital filled with patients by praying this prayer every day.

I’ve used this myself, especially when I’ve felt a deep loss of connection with a loved one. Something shifts in our hearts when we pray this prayer. Link to YouTube Chant

You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay

And one of my oldest and most beloved practices from Louise Hay’s book (she credits Emmet Fox).

  1. Settle yourself down and allow your mind and body to relax.
  2. Imagine you are sitting in a darkened theater with a small stage.
  3. Picture someone you would like to forgive up on the stage.
  4. Visualize good things happening to them, see them smiling and happy.
  5. Hold this image for a few minutes and allow it to fade away.
  6. Finally, visualize good things happening to you – see and feel yourself smiling and happy.
  7. You may repeat this process once a day with different people and notice how much lighter you feel. Enjoy!

Personal Peace Process with EFT

This process was developed by the founder of EFT, Gary Craig.

  1. Make a time line of your life in segments, i.e. zero to five, six to ten years old, etc.
  2. List the troublesome or painful events as a stream of consciousness – simply write down everything as it arises.
  3. Set aside a few minutes each day to tap on one of these items, for example: “Even though my brother stole parts off of my bicycle to repair his bike, I honor and accept all of my feelings.” Tap around as you acknowledge the memory and the emotions until you feel relief.
  4. Add anything new to the list that arises as you are tapping.
  5. End each daily session with Gratitude Tapping or Happy Tapping: “I am so grateful for the healing… I’m ready to let this go… I am safe.”
  6. Please be gentle with yourself as this process may bring up painful or intense feelings. Ask for support from a friend, counselor or EFT practitioner.

Simply choose one of these processes to include in your daily self-care practice and notice how you are feeling physically and emotionally over the days and weeks as you practice. My experience with this is that I begin to feel much lighter, clearer, more relaxed and joyful quite soon.

Turning Up the Heat!

As I continue to turn within and ask – what am I releasing that no longer serves me? – I touched a memory that is very tender. When I left home at 18 I did not go to my grandmother, Leah’s, house. I went to my godmother, Joan’s, house.

I didn’t consciously decide, I just got up in the morning and started walking and ended up at my godparent’s house. Joan answered the door and said, “I’ve been expecting you. Where is your brother?”

My younger brother had decided to stay at home and finish high school. I still feel sad that he lived longer with my parents, which couldn’t have been good for his mental health.

In the process of leaving home, I also left my grandmother, which I regret. She was so loving and kind to me and my brother – she took care of us when we where in elementary school and my mother was working. She taught me the golden rule and loved us unconditionally.

Yesterday morning when I was meditating, I visited that memory again and felt the familiar sadness and regret. Then, for the first time, I realized that she could have gotten in touch with me as well. I was young, confused and frightened to be out in the world.

Now I feel able to understand, to forgive myself and that younger part of me that was working so hard to protect me. I am so grateful for Gran’s love and protection, for my godparents taking me in and for my own innate wisdom to leave home when I did. That I don’t regret at all.

As you continue to practice asking for guidance and listening within, may you find peace, compassion and loving kindness for yourself and everyone else.

If you would like a private Visioning session, please call or send an email so that we can connect soon.

A Story From When I Wasn’t So Healthy & Happy

“I think it’s important to tell it. Maybe it will help educate or inspire other people so they too can do something, they too can make a contribution.”
A quote from Senator John Lewis in the Times magazine about why he told the story of the civil rights movement over and over again.

Hello dearies,

I wanted to share a story with you today about transformation, inspired by Senator John Lewis.

Most of my current clients and students see me as a healthy, happy coach and teacher. Happily married and loving life. No challenges, right?

Well, it hasn’t always been this way. Steve and I have been happily married for over 35 years. Amazing to acknowledge that! We give thanks every day for our connection, friendship and enduring love.

I had two marriages before Steve and I found each other. My starter marriage, as I now call it, was at age 19 because I didn’t know what else to do. I married a man several years older than I was and went along with his career and his life until he wanted children and I did not.

Looking back at myself at twenty years old, I am truly amazed that I had the wisdom to end that relationship. It wasn’t acrimonious at all. I was sad and frightened to be alone and I launched myself out into the world alone.

Within one year I met and married my second husband. This time I was in love and we were much more compatible. We had both grown up with alcoholic parents and were very well trained to take care of each other. We communicated well and navigated moving from California to Minnesota and back again for job transfers.

Eventually it became clear that we were not meant to continue the relationship. We parted with tears and wishing each other well. Gratefully he met the love of his life and I met the love of my life.

I am grateful that I had the courage to release and let go of what wasn’t working. It was indeed scary and challenging and confusing at the time. And now I am much more confident in my capacity for growth and change.

Do You Have One Foot on the Gas and One Foot On the Brake?

There is a very important reason for the words we include in our EFT Tapping Set Up Statements.

Acknowledge the Feelings – while tapping on the side of both hands

We say, “Even though I have this fear…” This is an important aspect of the practice, to acknowledge what we are truly feeling and not try to push it away or deny our feelings. There is great benefit in allowing ourselves to feel the fear, or other strong emotions, and allow the energy to move.

Speaking to the Part of Us That Resists Change

Then we say, “Whatever part of me is holding on…”
This is where we get to the “one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake” feeling. We may want very much to release the fear, to feel better, to be more confident, and to move forward. Humans resist change – that’s what we do for protection. In our EFT Tapping practice we can make friends with the parts that are holding us back, even if they are protecting us!

Using Choice Statements

Once we have addressed our fear, for instance, and spoken to the parts that are holding us back, we can shift to Choice Statements by saying: “And I now Choose to be open, to be willing, to relax and let go of the fear and allow the energy to move.”

Reminder Statements – tapping around on the body points

Then we continue the practice while tapping around and repeating a simple reminder statement, such as: “All this fear, all this deep fear, I’m really feeling it in my body. All this fear, all this fear. I’d really like to let it go.”

Tell the Story While Tapping

Or you might say whatever comes to mind while paying attention to your body sensations and emotions: “All this fear, it’s really holding me back, all this fear, I’d really like to let it go. All this fear, I’m really scared about the future. All this fear, I want to move forward. All this fear, I’m feeling so numb.

Releasing Round with Choice Statements

When you begin to feel calmer and the fear has been reduced, do another round, alternating on the body points: “This remaining fear, it’s time to let it go. This remaining fear, that I’m holding in my body, it’s safe to relax and let go. This remaining fear, I’m ready to release this fear from every cell in my body.”

Gratitude Tapping to Complete Your Practice

Remember to complete your practice with Happy Tapping: “I am so grateful for the healing. Grateful for my strong, flexible, healthy body. Grateful for my home, family and friends. So grateful for all of the blessings in my life.”

You are not alone. We are all in this together. Please continue to take good care of yourselves and focus on well being, strength, loving kindness and hope for all beings.