As I continue to turn within and ask – what am I releasing that no longer serves me? – I touched a memory that is very tender. When I left home at 18 I did not go to my grandmother, Leah’s, house. I went to my godmother, Joan’s, house.
I didn’t consciously decide, I just got up in the morning and started walking and ended up at my godparent’s house. Joan answered the door and said, “I’ve been expecting you. Where is your brother?”
My younger brother had decided to stay at home and finish high school. I still feel sad that he lived longer with my parents, which couldn’t have been good for his mental health.
In the process of leaving home, I also left my grandmother, which I regret. She was so loving and kind to me and my brother – she took care of us when we where in elementary school and my mother was working. She taught me the golden rule and loved us unconditionally.
Yesterday morning when I was meditating, I visited that memory again and felt the familiar sadness and regret. Then, for the first time, I realized that she could have gotten in touch with me as well. I was young, confused and frightened to be out in the world.
Now I feel able to understand, to forgive myself and that younger part of me that was working so hard to protect me. I am so grateful for Gran’s love and protection, for my godparents taking me in and for my own innate wisdom to leave home when I did. That I don’t regret at all.
As you continue to practice asking for guidance and listening within, may you find peace, compassion and loving kindness for yourself and everyone else.
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